12 Sep

Posted at 19:36h in Faith, Family
0 Likes

When my girls were little I was always trying harder. Every few months I would come up with a new concept I believed would enable me to be the person I felt I ought to be. Through reading the latest Christian book, or hearing the latest talk on how to live a successful life (spiritual or otherwise) I would arm myself with a list of top 5 ways to improve myself and set to work. If only I could get hold of this idea, if only I could press in for the breakthrough, if only I could be put into practise these...

07 Sep

Posted at 17:24h in Faith
0 Likes

A few months ago my girls were both involved in a cheerleading competition. Now before you have the same reaction as me, let me tell you what cheerleading is not: pompoms. And let me tell you what cheerleading is: synchronised swimming on dry land, gymnastics and throwing each other into the air. (Still not sounding that appealing? I'm with you.) This competition was a big deal. Held at the local arena, groups apparently came from all over Europe. From the large mascot (species unidentifiable), to the American host whose trainers flashed different colours, the heat of the lights and the surround sound of...

31 Aug

Posted at 18:12h in Faith, Family, Mental health
0 Likes

I'm all about the grace. Grace is one of my favourite words. At my darkest of times, when it felt like the world was closing in on me I have known the sweet relief of grace. Grace in the actions of my friends, calling at the right moment, anticipating my needs. Grace revealed in a beautiful sunset, refreshing rain, or the flowers in my garden. Grace for my soul, in the quiet knowledge I am accepted and loved regardless of my mood or actions, knowing I belong. Mercy, grace, favour when I really don't deserve it. Amen and hallelujah. But. But. If Grace is poured...

01 Jul

Posted at 18:53h in Faith, Family, Mental health
0 Likes

Some weeks I have a phrase that hovers around me no matter what I am doing. This has been one of those weeks. And the words have been: On Tuesday they got 'magnetic letters' status. Relinquish: to lay down or surrender. To give up ownership and authority over. To release from your grip. To loosen your hold and let go. This week I have had to relinquish control of a number of things: My diary. At the start of the week I had so many things I wanted to get done. So many people I wanted to see. But I hadn't factored Matt or the kids into my plans...

10 May

Posted at 19:08h in Faith, Mental health
0 Likes

Before anything else. Before you can get any help, or start working your way through a tricky situation or painful experience, you have to acknowledge it exists. The universe I inhabited before my thirties was a place where it was not the done thing to express discontent. We were loved by God and had everything we needed. We were not homeless, or learning to live with a critical illness. We were not cold or hungry. We did not have to walk miles every day to collect water. We were not alone and abandoned. Anything that did go wrong, or didn't turn out how we...

11 Apr

Posted at 19:03h in Faith, Mental health
0 Likes

I was in the garden the other Sunday, and as I began to tackle the enormous weeding task that lay ahead of me, I listened to Poetry Please. On this occasion, the Sunday morning quiet, the warmth of the sun behind the clouds and the gentle tones of Roger McGough, found me moved by the first poem I heard. I stopped, closed my eyes, and listened. It is called Now I Become Myself, and is by May Sarton Now I become myself. It's taken Time, many years and places; I have been dissolved and shaken, Worn other people's faces, Run madly, as if Time were...

01 Apr

Posted at 09:31h in Faith
0 Likes

A benediction for fools. For those of us who know we haven't got it all together, who are messy and unfinished. For today; May we meet the day with innocent expectation,  not cynical or world weary or jaded. Let childlike curiosity mark our moments. . May we be brave enough to admit we don't know the answer, and wise enough to ask for help. Let us be relieved of the burden of certainty. . May we be happy not to have the last word, the last laugh. Apart from at our selves. Let us not take ourselves so seriously. . May we be fools for love, for beauty and laughter ever on our lips. Let the...

26 Mar

Posted at 09:30h in Faith
0 Likes

This post owes a great deal to the section on Holy Saturday, in Pete Greig's brilliant book, GOD ON MUTE As a Christian, Good Friday and Easter Sunday are where it's at. They are the big days that mark events that stand as the cornerstone, the pivot of our faith. We're told, "It's Friday… but Sunday is coming". But in between these days is the day we don't regularly discuss. A day I never paid any attention to until recently. A day that is teaching me about who I am and how to live. Holy Saturday. On Good Friday Jesus was crucified. "They took...

24 Dec

Posted at 18:21h in Faith
0 Likes

Sometimes the writing process feels like a huge dot-to-dot drawing. I start with no idea what the final image will be. Moments, ideas, a song I heard on the radio, an article I read, a half-snatched conversation each acting as a dot, pointing to the shape of what is to be revealed. I hold these 'dots' in my mind, scribbling a few down from time to time, trying to unravel what my subconscious is processing. And then the moment of clarity and often surprise, when I see the image emerge, as the line is drawn, connecting the dots. Recent dots: I got into bed...

29 Nov

Posted at 19:30h in Faith, Mental health
0 Likes

On the way home from church today we found trees blown down across the road. Huge branches blocking our path, dangerous obstacles getting in our way, preventing us from continuing our journey. One kid is ill and the wind howls outside. And all the leaves that had hung on until now, swirl in the air. It is the first Sunday of Advent and the hope that is to come feels like a fairy tale. My stomach churns and I feel empty. The words I speak evaporate into the air, swallowed by uncertainty that lies just one breath away. Today, I need truth. I need someone...