26 Dec

Posted at 23:43h in Mental health
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By the time you read this Christmas will be over but I still wanted to share with you the remainder of my Alternative Advent Calendar. Maybe one of the ideas will feel relevant to you in this 'in-between' time, as we start to think about a new year. For me this year Christmas has been good. Lots of happy memories made. When I think about my favourite moments, they are not about presents, or meticulously planned meals or parties, they are the time I spent with those I love most, sharing a laugh, or dancing in the kitchen, or snuggled on the...

16 Dec

Posted at 19:11h in Mental health
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Here is the next instalment of the Alternative Advent Calendar I have been writing on Facebook and Instagram through the month of December. I hope you enjoy it. (You will find December 1st - 7th here). December 8th The gift of Vulnerability At this time of year the pressure to be HAVING A GOOD TIME ALL THE TIME is great. So often, it can feel easier to wear a mask. To act as though all is well and you are having a great time. Anything other than letting your real emotions be seen. If you are feeling low or depressed or anxious it can...

07 Dec

Posted at 12:12h in Living well, Mental health, On taking anti-depressants
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On the 1st December I started to write an Alternative Advent Calendar. I have been posting these 'gifts' daily on Facebook and Instagram. Christmas is busy, and expectations are high. It can become stressful and overwhelming very quickly. My Advent Calendar is an antidote to this. Each day I have been writing short thoughts about ways to manage this season, ideas about how to stay sane, maintain mental health and hopefully enjoy the festive period. I am writing to remind myself. To talk truth to myself. And to remind you. To talk truth to you. Here are the first seven days Dec 1st The Gift of...

22 Nov

Posted at 14:24h in Faith, Mental health
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With regard to my faith I have spent a lot time writing about what isn't. Exploding lies. Debunking myths. That sort of thing. I write about this because it is what I have spent a lot of my time doing in my real life. Unravelling thoughts about my beliefs, chucking out systems that have become constraining. I struggled under the weight of some repressive ideas for a long time. No one forced these mindsets on me. In the way that most things happen it was a mix of my personality, my experiences, my choice, my upbringing, and my pride that combined to intoxicate me with the notion...

15 Nov

Posted at 19:22h in Beauty, Mental health
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Talisman When the days shorten And morning and evening seem almost to kiss When the darkness surrounds I chase the gold as it slips behind the horizon. Hoping it might remain for a moment longer. But it is gone.   I look down. In my hand I am clutching three embers salvaged from the spent flames of a nearby tree. A quiver of gilded crimson. I didn't realise I would need them now As the day departs and the darkness resumes its watch. I hold tight to my treasure A promise of tomorrow, of another year. This poem met me on my walk this evening. As I rounded the corner I saw the sky above the rooftops, intense orange. By the time...

08 Nov

Posted at 19:17h in Living well, Mental health
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It was seven years from my first panic attack to a diagnosis of anxiety. Seven years without any help. Seven years of thinking I needed to get a grip. Seven years of beating myself up for not being able to stay in control. Before my diagnosis I didn't think I was ill and I didn't think I suffered with anxiety. What even was that? I thought I was a freak. And weak. A weak freak. I didn't know anyone who had struggled with their mental health (or maybe truer to say, I didn't know anyone who had ever talked about it). I had no...

02 Nov

Posted at 21:41h in Mental health
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1. It started on Monday night. I received a text informing me that the flight I was to take first thing Tuesday morning from Manchester to Heathrow, to connect to my flight from Heathrow to Charlotte, had been cancelled. 2. After spending sometime on the phone to BA last night my flights were re-booked with American Airlines. Unfortunately when I arrived at Manchester Airport (possibly the busiest airport full of the most grumpy people early in the morning), after waiting for an hour in a queue, I was told that despite the phone call and the print offs I had in...

10 Oct

Posted at 10:06h in Mental health
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This is for you if you are in despair. I know how you feel. I have been you; terrified to leave the house, feeling I had no control over my own body. I have felt my brain was alien and unpredictable and I could no longer rely on it to tell me the truth. I know what it is like to wake in the night and be consumed with fear, able to hear my blood pumping around my body, the sound loud in my ears. I have wanted to hide, and felt shame. I have not known who I was or how to go on....

07 Oct

Posted at 15:37h in Faith, Mental health
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A few years back I noticed a book lying around. It was by a Christian speaker, one of those women who talk in authoritative statements, wearing power suits in bold colours. I never read the book, but I remember it's title, which shaped itself as a command. It was called 'Don't Dread'*. Oh, if only it was that easy. I was raised on stories of overcomers. I was told testimonies of people who through their faith had seen the breakthrough. I heard these stories in church on a Sunday, and round the dinner table. All the testimonies seemed to me to have a happy...

21 Sep

Posted at 16:47h in Faith, Mental health
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My therapist tells me that she believes it probably won't be long until there is a test, a blood test or something, that will tell what is chemically happening in your brain. To ascertain that something isn't right, some chemical or hormone isn't being released correctly or in the right amount (forgive me - I am no scientist). This would distinguish between mental illnesses that requires chemical intervention and those mental illnesses that can be alleviated by environmental changes and talking therapies, without the need for the pills. And although we shouldn't have to prove it, we shouldn't need that validation, it...