08 Oct

Posted at 14:12h in Uncategorised
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On National Poetry Day, here is a poem I only came across in the last couple of weeks, by John O'Donohue the late Irish Poet, Philosopher and former priest. It was written for his Mother on the occasion of his Father's death. A poem for everyone, but especially for anyone who has lost someone, or finds themselves in a dark place. A blessing for you. The poem is below, but better still - listen to John reading it - here   Bennacht On the day when The weight deadens On your shoulders And you stumble, May the clay dance To balance you. And when your eyes Freeze behind The grey window And the ghost...

06 Oct

Posted at 12:51h in Uncategorised
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Life is busy. We live in a madly accelerating world. We are held hostage by the to-do list. I recently heard stress described as 'a perverted relationship to time'*. We are victim to its demands, punished by the schedule. We rush from one appointment to the next, one meeting to another, never feeling we achieve all we could, perpetually frustrated. We say 'if only there was another day in the week, another hour in the day, then I would be able to get through everything I need to'. We wear our busyness with pride, although inside we are worn out, on the brink of collapse. We...

22 Sep

Posted at 10:12h in Uncategorised
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It is my birthday today. Two years ago today, on my 34th birthday,  I did what at the time felt like a very brave thing. I stood up in church and gave a testimony. (For those not familiar with our charismatic culture - this is a story of what God has done, told in public to give thanks to God, to encourage, to inspire.) I hadn't told anyone what I was planning on doing so I could chicken out if I wanted, and I nearly did. The testimonies I had been brought up on, at least the ones I remember, were of victories. Successes....

18 Sep

Posted at 11:57h in Uncategorised
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Yesterday my nine year old daughter left me this message on the magnetic splash back above the cooker, I am always loved here. This is the truth. I am incredibly blessed, I have a family who love me, right here in the everyday messiness of our lives. And I love them. I say to my six year old son regularly, 'I love you all the time, when you behave and when you are naughty, when you are quiet and when you are LOUD, when I feel like loving you and when you are doing my head in! I love you all the time.' I am...

09 Sep

Posted at 10:15h in Uncategorised
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The tea is made, the kitchen counters wiped down, the washing in the machine. I haven't got to do the school run. Its 8:25 am. Time to start writing. Inevitably I am assailed by a list as long as my arm of all the jobs I could be doing. Of the cluttered kitchen, the phone calls not made, the emails not sent. I silence these requests for my time and concentration, I sit down. Time to start writing. But what if I don't have anything to say after all? What if this idea that has been gathering pace for most of the last year...

28 Aug

Posted at 14:22h in Uncategorised
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"`Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly (…) `Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. `I don't much care where--' said Alice. `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. `--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.  `Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.' " I don't live as an independent being, I am in a partnership, a team. This year marks our fifteenth wedding anniversary. Being married is complicated and precious. While I...

08 Aug

Posted at 13:57h in Uncategorised
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"But where, after we have made the great decision to leave the security of childhood and move into the vastness of maturity, does anyone feel completely at home?" Madeleine L'Engle* This last month I have met up with a number of very special friends who now live overseas. These are the kind of people with whom you skip the small talk, even though it might have been years since you saw each other face to face. There is no time to waste on pleasantries, we dive straight into the important stuff of life. How we feel, what we love, our partners...

14 Jul

Posted at 11:18h in Uncategorised
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I think there are two types of vulnerability. The first is a choice. I choose to write this blog. I choose to make myself vulnerable in a whole host of ways. I talk about the difficult stuff and the painful bits. Maybe the things other people would choose to keep hidden. But it is my choice. And, although it may appear occasionally I am airing my dirty laundry in public, it is the items of clothing and the stains I have deemed appropriate to share. I imagine a whitewashed room, a gallery, with carefully curated rows of washing hung from wall to wall....

29 Jun

Posted at 13:09h in Uncategorised
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I had a long overdue conversation with an old friend the other week. She now resides on the other side of the world, but we picked up the conversation despite the years since we last heard each other's voices. We talked about the interesting routes our lives have taken over the past few years, and how things don't happen as quickly as we would like. If you had told me nearly 6 years ago, when I was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety, that the route to recovery would take so long, I would have been inconsolable. Every year, or at the start...