03 Mar

Posted at 12:04h in Mental health
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Journalling can be helpful. Newsflash. I know, I am about 100 years behind the curve. For a long time journalling was one of the things I should be doing, along with a daily quiet time, reading the Bible in a year (every year), making dinner from scratch every night, regular exercise and cutting out carbs. Somehow writing to process how I felt had made it into the 'duty' category and as such, when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2009 along with lots of other shoulds, oughts and musts, I gave up the desire of being someone who...

07 May

Posted at 11:19h in Mental health
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May is mental health awareness month. A time to share experiences and challenge stigma. And one thing you are sure to hear is someone to say: it is time to talk. Being vulnerable about your mental health can be beneficial and aid recovery, but to be brave and start a conversation often feels impossible. It did for me. My diagnosis with post-natal depression and anxiety took me by surprise. I didn't know what it meant. I felt ashamed and afraid of how others would react. Better to deal with this in private and keep my friends, than be honest and risk losing them, I thought. But...

14 Mar

Posted at 10:20h in Mental health
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Before you can love anyone else. Before you can care for anyone else. In fact if you want to be any use to anyone long term: You have to love you first. I used to think loving myself was selfish. I thought prioritising my needs was self-indulgent. Surely it was better to sacrifice what I wanted to make others happy? I was a classic people pleaser, believing I would be loved and accepted only if I behaved and performed as others' wanted me to. So I morphed and changed according to who I was with. I tried to keep a lid on any...

14 Jan

Posted at 12:56h in Mental health
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Many people I know choose a 'word for the year'. A word they hope to orient their year around. A word they hope when they look back at the end of the year they will find has been the cornerstone, the theme underpinning all they have done. I have a word for this year. It has crept up on me. I think it came back from holiday with me in my suitcase. This year is a big year for me. My goals are bigger, my hopes higher. On 1st January I wrote (on Instagram): "I am looking forward to this new year. I feel excited,...

22 Nov

Posted at 14:20h in Mental health
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I love Christmas. I love the food and being together. I love decorating the house and buying (and receiving!) gifts. I love the opportunity to celebrate. But. There is a but. All the expectations around what Christmas could or should be can make me anxious. Until a few years ago as December approached I would find myself starting to worry. Would everyone have a good time? Had I remembered everyone's presents? Did the house look festive enough? Pressure and stress built up as the list of non-negotiable (as I saw it at the time) events filled my diary. I would panic about the most bizarre...

08 Nov

Posted at 15:23h in Mental health
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I was out and about somewhere this week, I forget where, and I could hear a toddler whining. The child wasn't very upset, but were obviously struggling to get their point across, to let the parent who was with them know exactly what they wanted. I then heard the Mum who was with this little boy, who must have been about two and a half, say a phrase I have said myself many times. She said, "Use your words." She wanted her son to stop his whining and tell her what it was that was upsetting him, or what it was he wanted....

17 Oct

Posted at 17:27h in Family, Mental health
1 Like

I find change hard. I like familiarity and routine. I like tradition and rituals. These are the things that help me to orient myself in the world. To make sense of life's unpredictable moments. But if we know one thing we know change is the only constant. The only thing we can be sure will follow us. Sometimes life changes and we have no choice but to accept it even though it is devastating; we experience tragedy and have to learn to live with it. We lose a loved one, a friend moves away, we are ill, our job role changes, we experience...

20 Sep

Posted at 16:29h in Family, Mental health
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Recently I asked my email list* what they were struggling with. I don't have all the answers but I want to know my readers better and write about the things that are on their hearts. I was overwhelmed by the response and felt so privileged that so many took the time to share their stories with me. There were a few themes that emerged, common threads between the responses. So often we think the things that make us feel ashamed or scared separate us from everyone else, when actually it is these struggles that unite us. If only we knew how like each other...

30 May

Posted at 13:53h in Mental health
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Self care is not just for stressed-out grown ups. Self care is an important life skill we can and should be teaching to our children. And just in case you think I am going to be instructing you to spoil your child, to give them whatever they most desire all in the name of mental health, let me reassure you. My favourite definition of self-care (which makes it obvious it is a skill we all need is) - self care: proactively creating a life you don't need to regularly escape from*. Self-Care is about making sure we are able to enjoy our...

09 May

Posted at 14:54h in Faith
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I prefix this post by saying: The church is made up of humans who are flawed and messed up, and get lots of things wrong. And despite everything, on Sundays you will find me in church. Because even though this family is dysfunctional, it is home. Like everyone else, we Christians love success. We love the sheen of it and the triumphant music. We love the way it smells and makes us feel. We love to wave our golden ticket, while we are GETTING IT RIGHT AND TELLING YOU ABOUT IT. We want to be heroes in our neighbourhood; helping the sick and...