Do you feel you are constantly on the hook? It's a strange phrase - think - the opposite of 'off the hook'. Being caught on the hook makes you feel culpable, or guilty, as though you can never relax or let go. In recent years letting myself off the hook has been an idea I have become very attached to. I like the idea that I am freeing myself from...
A list for anyone overwhelmed and stressed. A list for those of us who worry too much about what we cannot control. A list for the over-thinkers and the do-gooders. (A list for me). 1. Don't play it safe. Wear the bright red lippy, the yellow dress, the dungarees you think make you look like an overgrown toddler. Clothes are for fun. 2. Don't compare. You are beautiful and your life is good. Count blessings, dance in the kitchen. Silence the voice of comparison, it will make your life smaller. 3. Don't hide. Let somebody in. The mask will become harder to remove the longer your wear it. Allow...
Dear you, I see you. ...
We have been in Anglesey for about 8 weeks now. It has been fantastic. As I write this I am outside sat at the table under the parasol. If I look up I can see the mountains of Snowdonia in the distance and the patchwork of fields, with the occasional house or farm dotted in between. The swallows that have nested in the outhouse where we keep the broken garden furniture and an impressive collection of cobwebs swoop in and out, dancing above me. All I can hear is birdsong, my fingers tapping on the the keys and a distant radio...
What follows are some thoughts on moving from one place to another. We are living in Anglesey at the moment (for a three month sabbatical) but these words are not about a literal move, but a metaphorical one. The past few years I have been on the border, crossing from one way of life to another. My blog is subtitled 'Learning How To Live' because this is what I have been doing: learning how to live in a new way, in a new space. I have been transitioning from one way of thinking about myself, my life, my faith and the world in which I live, to...
This isn't really a new blog post. It started as a letter to those who have subscribed to this blog, who I email most weeks. But after writing it and sending it to them I thought I would share it here too. It has been such a strange day. A day of conflicting emotions. A day where our nation has poured out sorrow and grief and anger...
I find it hard to know how to relate to my body. There is a lot of conflicting information thrown at me. It should be strong and sporty because 'this girl can'. It should be thin and well-kept because why wouldn't you make the most of what you have got? I shouldn't give it a second thought because appearances don't matter. It is confusing. And I am 37. Surely I should have got this one sussed by now? I know how I look is not the be all and end all. And most of my life I have used this as my reason for...
There was a time in my marriage when, in amongst the normal and the good, a space had started to open up. A distance was widening between us. My plan was to ignore it. If I busied myself with the day to day I assumed (I hoped) we would one day naturally regain our previous ease, our relaxed intimacy. While I waited, I held Matt at arms length. To protect my heart, I hid how I was feeling. Matt tried to talk to me about how things were, but I refused to acknowledge it. I had neither the time nor energy nor courage to...
Last week I took the kids to the park with a friend. Two adults, six children and a dog. Pretty ordinary. I arrived a little early. The kids raced ahead of me to the swings and I walked through the damp leaves following them up the path. Rewind thirteen months and I remember making this same journey. It was just before Christmas and we were desperate to find something to do on a grey day, some way to get the kids out of the house, even if just for an hour. We were tired at the end of the long term and...
I haven't written for a few days. Life kind of took over. Sometimes best laid plans have to be put to one side to deal with the important stuff of real life. Last Thursday was my 37th birthday. It was a fine day, I caught up with a few friends, and received some lovely gifts. Last Thursday was also the day I said goodbye to my Nan. My Mum phoned at about 3:30pm, as I was finishing coffee with some friends, to say it looked like the end was close and I might want to make my way over to see Nan sooner rather...