I Do Not Have To Be Busy. I used to think I should be busy. That a full life, a diary packed with activity, was the best way to be. In my twenties I hadn’t given any thought to my capacity. I didn’t think I was trying to do too much, I was only doing what I thought was necessary to make a life of meaning. I didn’t say no. Ever. As a freelance director if someone offered me a job, I took it. If I was asked to help out at church, I said yes. If someone needed me to step in, to...

It is possible to live most of your life asleep to the things that really matter. Modern life - life as we know it - works to prevent us from thinking deeply about anything.  The pace, the activity, the busyness, the screens, the hustle, the consuming and our ever-expanding expectations conspire to shrink our attention span and distract us from spending any time pondering the important stuff. We are numbed from the big questions: why are we here? who are we? what does it all matter anyway ? And if it is not the speed of life that prevents us, we can find ourselves actively...

I love Christmas. I love the food and being together. I love decorating the house and buying gifts. I love the opportunity to celebrate. But. There is a but. All the expectations around what Christmas could or should be can make me anxious. Until a few years ago as December approached I would find myself starting to worry. Would everyone have a good time? Had I remembered everyone's presents? Did the house look festive enough? Pressure and stress built up as the list of non-negotiable (as I saw it at the time) events filled my diary. I would panic about the most bizarre things: would...

For World Mental Health Day some truth from my head and my heart. This much I know: Mental illness does not and should not disqualify you. Do not disqualify yourself because of it. What you perceive as weakness might be the truth someone else needs to hear, or give you the perception to understand how someone else is feeling. You are not disqualified. For more: read this. You are allowed to do what you need or want to do. This is true always but especially when it comes to managing and protecting you mental health. You need to cancel an appointment,...

I experienced my first panic attack in my car while attempting a three point turn in the road outside my parents' house. I was 22. One minute I was turning the steering wheel, focused on the manoeuvre, the next I was sweating with fear. My mind raced through a theatre performance I had recently seen, the most devastating moment playing over and over again on the screen of my mind. My body reacted as though this performance was not just real, but was a part of me. I was the dying man collapsing on the ground, I was the one losing...

Maintaining good mental health can be hard work. I didn't manage it, and when my third child was a few months old I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I had probably been anxious for 5 years by then, since my first baby was born in 2004. In those days mental health was not something that was discussed often. I hadn't realised what was going on and had assumed I was weak and needed to pull myself together, everyone else seemed to be able to cope - so why couldn't I? But it turns out I wasn't weak, I was ill. There is a difference....

Last week for Mental Health Awareness Week, on Facebook and Instagram, I posted daily about my battle with anxiety and panic attacks. I have summarised these posts here. I hope they might bring comfort to you if you are struggling, and serve as a reminder that you are not alone. Part 1. RECOGNITION Growing up I never really thought about my brain. It was just there, ticking over, doing what I needed it to. As a straight-A student, education was not a problem and apart from a few (obligatory) crappy teenage years I was outgoing and popular. I was brought up to know I was loved...

Anxiety doesn't have a hold over me like it used to but it is still something I have to manage. Every now and then I experience weeks when anxiety hovers around, when the low-level buzz of it is ever-present. This can be because I have been too busy or not sleeping well, or because there is unexpected stress in my life. It can also be because I haven't been looking after myself very well and self-care has been neglected. It can be for no obvious reason at all. On these weeks I employ all the tactics I know to try and...

Do you feel restless? Are you waiting for the next thing; the next job, or weekend, or night of unbroken sleep? Is your heart drumming it's fingers on the desk? Are you impatient? And how's your soul? Are you at peace? Do you know contentment? Can you experience quiet and rest? This weekend I spent time with my sister and my Mum. These two wonderful women are both very active people. They are energised by being do-ers. They do stuff. They get stuff done. And in the action of fulfilling these tasks they find satisfaction. For them it seems this active, busy life is life-bringing. In years gone by after some time...