A few weeks ago I wrote a letter to my strong, exhausted friend. (You can read it here.) At so many points in my life I have been the person who needed to read that letter, and often still am. But I am re-learning how to live and a large part of this has involved re-discovering how to rest. I know rest is important, and yet I don't make it a priority. It gets squeezed out. I find myself exhausted, falling into bed either to sleep fitfully or to lie awake aware of all I still need to do but haven't managed to...

Do you feel you are constantly on the hook? It's a strange phrase - think - the opposite of 'off the hook'. Being caught on the hook makes you feel culpable, or guilty, as though you can never relax or let go. In recent years letting myself off the hook has been an idea I have become very attached to. I like the idea that I am freeing myself from...

Hi, my name is Elli and I'm a people pleaser. A recovering people pleaser. I want to make other people happy. Which always seemed like a good goal to have. But this well-intentioned aim got me into hot water. Back then. About ten years ago life was tiring. My girls were tiny and I was pregnant with my son. I had lots of friends and a brilliant husband who was very busy with work. I ran a small group in church which was made up of lots of fantastic women who were also in the same life stage as me. We were all tired all the time. We were always making...

Not all the causes of anxiety can be rectified quickly or easily. I have found through personal (and often painful) experience, there are certain mindsets and patterns of behaviour that take months, or even years, to unpick. That may not sound very encouraging, especially if you are battling anxiety right now, in this moment. But fear not, there are some things you can do to lessen your anxiety here and now in the middle of your busy day, or stressful season. These are some practices that have worked for me: Breathing Slow. I know I often write about the importance of slowing your...

When the alarm went off this morning I was already weary. I am at the worst point of my period and I feel distracted and exhausted. My body is suffering, I have not slept well, and my belly aches. My mind is unable to settle, jumping from one thing to another. I am feeling low; a combination of hormones, lack of adult conversation and the rain that has fallen steadily all week, My first response is to attend to the long list of jobs that lies ahead of me today. I have writing projects that need attention, laundry to do, and meals to...

Eight years ago I entered the cafe and waved to the woman I had arranged to meet. She was barely more than an acquaintance but I knew she had some experience of counselling people dealing with grief. I was hopeful she would be able to give me some wisdom about how to help my friend who was suffering. I grabbed my coffee and pushed aside the feeling of frustration that this was how I was going to be using my short amount of kid-free time. It had seemed like the right thing to do last week when I had made the arrangement. The...

A list for anyone overwhelmed and stressed. A list for those of us who worry too much about what we cannot control. A list for the over-thinkers and the do-gooders. (A list for me). 1. Don't play it safe. Wear the bright red lippy, the yellow dress, the dungarees you think make you look like an overgrown toddler. Clothes are for fun. 2. Don't compare. You are beautiful and your life is good. Count blessings, dance in the kitchen. Silence the voice of comparison, it will make your life smaller. 3. Don't hide. Let somebody in. The mask will become harder to remove the longer your wear it. Allow...

On either side of my driveway crocuses and snowdrops have started to appear. They have forced their way through the decomposing leaves. Bursts of colour against the damp brown matting. I take a rake and gently pull it across the flowerbed, easing my way through the flowers carefully, trying not to knock off the delicate blooms. The flowers I expose are top heavy, their stems are white, translucent, anaemic. Many of them flop forward, unable to support their own weight. I fear my zeal might have shortened their already brief life. I recognise myself here. I have been re-learning how to liveĀ in a...