14 Jun

Posted at 18:59h in Family, Mental health
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We have been in Anglesey for about 8 weeks now. It has been fantastic. As I write this I am outside sat at the table under the parasol. If I look up I can see the mountains of Snowdonia in the distance and the patchwork of fields, with the occasional house or farm dotted in between. The swallows that have nested in the outhouse where we keep the broken garden furniture and an impressive collection of cobwebs swoop in and out, dancing above me. All I can hear is birdsong, my fingers tapping on the the keys and a distant radio...

24 Feb

Posted at 11:47h in Mental health
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On either side of my driveway crocuses and snowdrops have started to appear. They have forced their way through the decomposing leaves. Bursts of colour against the damp brown matting. I take a rake and gently pull it across the flowerbed, easing my way through the flowers carefully, trying not to knock off the delicate blooms. The flowers I expose are top heavy, their stems are white, translucent, anaemic. Many of them flop forward, unable to support their own weight. I fear my zeal might have shortened their already brief life. I recognise myself here. I have been re-learning how to live in a...

07 Feb

Posted at 09:53h in Mental health
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I wrote this a few weeks ago on a Saturday morning. It is pretty raw and I wasn't sure if I would share it. But I have decided to because honesty is more important that appearance. "Last night was bad and for the first time in a long time I remembered, no - I experienced - what it was like to not be able to rely on my brain to act as it should. Again. I had gone to bed calm and well, but woke two hours later sweating, my stomach tied in a painful knot. I lay awake in agony, my hand on...

22 Aug

Posted at 20:36h in Mental health
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I opened my computer the other day to check something and somehow found myself on Facebook (how does that happen?). I followed a link someone had posted to the page of a blogger I have long admired but rarely read (not sure why): Glennon Doyle Melton (of Momastery). I scrolled down, glancing at the small amount of text she had prefixed her latest blog posts with, until one stopped me in my tracks. This is what I read; 'Yes, I’ve got these conditions—anxiety, depression, addiction—and they almost killed me. But they are also my superpowers. I’m the canary in the mine and you need...